Between Two Worlds: Dealing with FOMO Abroad and at Home

Urban Dictionary defines FOMO as ‘a state of mental or emotional strain caused by the fear of missing out’. Now, I know it’s not the most credible source, but in this case, the definition rings true. One of the harsh realities of living abroad is that at some point, you will have to cope with FOMO. I don’t think anyone likes it, but it is one of the sacrifices you have to make.

It seems silly, but while your social media is full of exotic beaches, concrete jungles, and cultural experiences, what exactly could you be missing out on? Surely this is what everyone dreams of? Yet social media is still a place where only our best lives are on display. So yes, living abroad is a constant adventure — things are amazing and different — but that doesn’t make your old life any less amazing. Those moments, big or small, cannot be replicated from afar: the inside jokes, the catch-ups, and the routine that can never be quite the same.

In the almost six months I’ve been in Indonesia, I’ve swum with sea turtles, got a suntan in January, and met some incredible people. But I’ve also missed my Grandad’s 85th birthday, missed my cousin having a baby, and missed seeing my sister off to university. I only found out my friend had split up with her boyfriend a few months after the fact. I don’t want to miss these things, but I have no choice. I can’t simply arrange meet-ups with friends or drop by to see people on my day off. Those simple, everyday moments — where people from home know every small detail of your life — become just a highlights reel when you catch up every few weeks.

FOMO abroad is, to put it lightly, not great. But it becomes just another part of your new life. You accept it and learn to cope with it because it is a small price to pay compared to the new life you get to live.

Alongside the FOMO that comes to mind initially, there is a less talked about but equally challenging form. Looking at social media feeds, you might think everyone’s weekends and free moments are packed with adventure and exploration. The reality is very different. Unlike going on holiday, your time isn’t always your own. You aren’t free to do whatever you want; there are responsibilities — work, bills, and more — and sometimes you just want to relax. Until you live abroad rather than just visit, it might never cross your mind, but soon enough, questions arise about whether you’re making the most of your time and seeing everything there is to see.

This form of FOMO is more about the fear of missing out on what’s already around you. But even if you feel you aren’t making the most of your time, the everyday small things you do allow you to see the reality of a place rather than the tourist traps and obvious sights visitors see. So yes, you won’t see everything — but no one ever does. People can live their whole lives in one place and still not know about that one restaurant with the great view, the obscure museum, or a new hangout spot. Why should you be expected to know all of these — and more — when you’ve only been somewhere for a few months? FOMO in this sense exists, but the desire to stay at home for the day is just as valid as the desire to explore.

As with just about everything in life, there are positives and negatives. For many people, FOMO is one of the negatives. But you must consider whether the positives outweigh the negatives. In my opinion, the chance to explore the world, experience new cultures, and live a more exciting life outweighs all the negatives — every time, without question.